The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

A personal experience I have had was actually years ago but my son is still being affected by this person’s insecurities. I became pregnant and had my son when I was 18 years old. His father and I met overseas and after I graduated high school, I came back to the states and we got a place to stay. Over the summer I met most of his family except his parents either because we did not have a ride or they were not home, so he said. Making this story a little shorter, I eventually met his parents and his mom was not happy that we were living together without being married. I could respect this but she treated me with disrespect and I was not allowed in their home. A month after finding out I was pregnant I went back overseas with my parents and we still had told his parents. When he eventually told them, they were happy that they would be having their first grandchild even though they were not happy about us not being married. Still I could respect this and my parents had some reservations because we were not married but they still supported me. Once I went back overseas I knew him and I would never be together again but I was not going to stop him from being part of his child’s life. His mom sent me a letter saying that she wanted to be part of her grandchild’s life and so forth. She sent me money for diapers and him a t-shirt. The letters did not last very long. When he was 9 years old, he had a major surgery where they removed part of his skull. I took it upon myself to make sure that they met and would be able to spend time together. We spent 2 weeks at her house and I found out that his father and she had a falling out and they no longer spoke to each other and he would not come to the house. Now to the part that really upsets me. She is not his biological mother but raised him since he was 1 years old, his biological mother passed away during childbirth. She sent me an e-mail that stated because Jr. had denounced her so many times she had to protect herself from the hurt of it happening again with “Lil D.” So she was going to back off and not participate in his life.

This experience made me angry and still does; a child gives love unconditionally. I understand that her “son” hurt her and I have no idea what happened between them and I did not care because he was not part of raising my son. For a grandmother to back away from a child because she is scared the child is going to hurt her because she is not his biological grandmother is crazy. Nobody can predict the future and I believe if you build a strong and loving relationship there is nothing for you to worry about especially coming from a grandchild. Unfortunately, my son has never gotten to know that side of his family nor has developed a relationship with any of his cousins or half-siblings. I think he has recently found one of his sisters on facebook and they have been chatting back and forth.

My son is going to be a senior this year and he has turned into a wonderful young man despite not knowing his biological father or that side of the family. My husband and I have been together since I was pregnant with him and he has treated as if he was his own. I just think that it is sad that someone would choose not to have a relationship with a child because of the ignorance of an adult or even because we were not married. The child is the innocent one in all this and should not have to suffer the consequences of adult decisions. Unfortunately, many children are affected by these decisions. I wish there was a way to protect them from all the bad.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jodi
    Aug 05, 2012 @ 12:44:54

    April,
    It is sad when a child that could give that unconditional love is rejected by their family. There really isn’t a good reason for it either! My ex-husband does not know or have a realationship with his biological father and when we were married I asked a lot of questions about it. I would want to know what happened and why my dad left and did not want anything to do with me. I would not want to rely on information from others, but would want to get that information from the source. I hope your son can connect with some of his family and that those relationships work out for him.

    Reply

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